School Anxiety in Kids: Signs, Causes, and When to Get Help

As a therapist who specializes in OCD and anxiety, I spend a lot of time talking with parents about school anxiety. But I also understand this topic from the other side.
I'm a mom of three, and one of my own children recently started at a new school. I know what it feels like to leave your child at school when they are crying, clinging to you, or clearly telling you that they do not want you to leave.

It is hard.

Even when you know that school is safe, that your child is capable, and that going is ultimately the right thing for them, walking away while your child is upset can feel awful. There is a very natural part of us as parents that wants to make the discomfort disappear.

But helping our children through anxiety doesn't always mean removing every uncomfortable feeling. Often it means staying present, acknowledging that something is hard, and still helping them take the next step forward.

What Can School Anxiety Look Like?

The beginning of a new school year can bring a lot of different emotions. Some children are excited to see their friends and meet their new teacher. Others feel nervous about what the new year will bring.

A little nervousness is normal. For some children, though, the anxiety does not settle after the first few days. Instead, it can become a significant source of distress for the child and the entire family.

Some children will tell you directly that they are worried. Others may not be able to explain what is wrong at all.

You may notice:

● Frequent stomachaches or headaches before school
● Difficulty falling asleep because of worries about the next day
● Crying or becoming upset in the morning
● Difficulty separating from a parent
● Repeatedly asking questions about what will happen at school
● Wanting to stay home or asking to be picked up early
● Avoiding particular classes, activities, teachers, or situations
● Becoming extremely distressed on Sunday evenings or after school breaks
● Refusing to attend school
● Anxiety that is beginning to interfere with sleep, family life, friendships, or other activities

Sometimes the reason for the anxiety is obvious. A child may be nervous about a new school or worried about making friends.

Other times, the anxiety can be harder to understand. A child may be afraid of getting sick at school. They may worry about making a mistake or embarrassing themselves. They may be afraid that something bad will happen while they are away from their parents. They may be worried about being unable to escape a situation if they become anxious.

And for some children, what looks like school anxiety is actually something more specific: OCD.

One of the most difficult parts of childhood anxiety is that avoidance often works in the short term.

A child is anxious about going to school. They stay home. Their anxiety decreases.

From the child's perspective, it can feel like staying home solved the problem. The problem is that this can make it much harder to face school the next time.

This is one reason anxiety can grow over time. The more a child avoids something they are afraid of, the more threatening that situation can begin to feel.

This does not mean a child should simply be forced into situations that feel overwhelming. Effective treatment involves understanding what is causing the anxiety and developing a plan that helps the child gradually build confidence while learning that they can handle uncomfortable feelings.

What Parents Can Do

When OCD Is Involved

One of the most helpful things parents can do is listen without making anxiety the decision maker.

Your child needs to know that you understand they are scared. They also need opportunities to learn that feeling anxious does not necessarily mean something is wrong or that they are unable to handle the situation.

For example, instead of repeatedly saying, "Don't worry. Everything will be fine." you might say: "I know you're feeling really nervous about school. We can handle that feeling together."

That response validates the child's experience without promising that nothing uncomfortable will happen. It also helps to pay attention to patterns. When does the anxiety start? Is it mostly at bedtime, or only on

school mornings? Is there a particular class or activity that seems especially difficult? Does your child repeatedly ask the same questions or need you to reassure them in a particular way?

Those details can tell us a lot about what may be maintaining the anxiety.

This is also where reassurance itself deserves a closer look. Parents give reassurance because they are trying to help, and it is completely natural to answer a child who asks, "Are you sure you'll pick me up?" or "Are you sure nothing bad will happen?"

But when reassurance becomes repetitive, or your child needs the same answer over and over, it can start to feed the anxiety instead of easing it. The child feels anxious, asks for reassurance, feels better temporarily, and then needs reassurance again when the anxiety returns. Learning how to respond differently is often an important part of treatment.

School anxiety can sometimes be a symptom of OCD rather than a separate problem.

A child may be afraid that something terrible will happen at school unless they complete a particular ritual. They may have intrusive thoughts about harming someone, becoming contaminated, making a mistake, or being responsible for something bad happening. They may also spend a significant amount of time checking, asking for reassurance, avoiding certain situations, or completing mental rituals.

When OCD is contributing to school avoidance, Exposure and Response Prevention, commonly called ERP, can be an important part of treatment. ERP involves gradually approaching situations that trigger anxiety while learning that they can tolerate the anxiety without relying on compulsions, avoidance, or reassurance.

With children, treatment is adapted to their age and developmental level,

When Avoiding School Starts to Become Part of the Problem

Taking the first step is often the hardest part. Reach out. I'd love to hear what's going on.

You Don't Have to Wait Until Your Child Refuses School

It is easy to think, "Let's give it another week and see if it gets better."; Sometimes that is exactly what a child needs.

But if your child's anxiety is becoming more intense, interfering with daily life, or making it increasingly difficult to attend school, it may be worth reaching out for help before the pattern becomes more established.

School anxiety can be complicated, especially when OCD, separation anxiety, social anxiety, or other concerns are involved. Getting a better understanding of what is driving the anxiety is an important first step, and it is exactly the kind of question I help families sort through every day.

At Untangled OCD & Anxiety Specialists, I work with children, teens, and families experiencing OCD, anxiety, school anxiety, and related concerns, using ERP and other evidence-based approaches tailored to each child.

If school has already become a source of significant anxiety for your child, you do not have to wait until things become unbearable to ask for help.

PHONE: +1 630-394-5878

Serving Naperville, Aurora, Bolingbrook, Wheaton, Warrenville, Lisle, Woodridge & surrounding suburbs · Telehealth in IL & IA · © 2026 Untangled OCD and Anxiety Specialists

Links:

EMAIL: jelena@untangledocd.com

ADDRESS: 640 South Washington St. Suite 212 Naperville, IL, 60540, United States

LICENSED IN: Illinois & Iowa | Indiana coming soon

Privacy policy

terms and conditions

disclaimer

Accessibility

I offer in-person sessions in the Naperville area and telehealth across Illinois and Iowa. If you need a home visit for school refusal, anxiety support, or family coaching, I can do that. If you need intensive sessions, I can do that too.